The Sun Shined On Her Face Blinding Her, But Making Her More Beautiful To Me.

Mike and Deborah.

Deborah : Mike?
Mike : Right here.
Deborah : Oh. I'm sorry, it's kind of dark today.
Mike : It's ok. It's winter.
Deborah : Yeah. Winter's pretty dark. Unless it snows, and then the sun reflects on the snow and shines up at your face.
Mike : And being blonde makes everything seem so much brighter.
Deborah : I wish I were blonde.
Mike : I'm ok with the fact that you're not. Blondes are a nice idea, but .. eh.
Deborah : Gosh. Thanks.
Mike : You know what I mean.
Deborah : Sometimes. Not always. I don't know about right now.
Mike : I think you're beautiful.
Deborah : You've never said that before.
Mike : I know. It's not a word I tend to use.
Deborah : Thank you. You know, it looks like the sun is getting a bit brighter.
Mike : It's getting closer to spring.
Deborah : Wow. It's coming pretty quickly, I don't even have my sunglasses right now. I might need them soon.
Mike : Just stand with your back to the sun.

They both do. The sun comes from the audiences perspective.

Deborah : This is better.
Mike : I can't see you.
Deborah : You might have to wait until nighttime, or dusk, when it's darker.
Mike : But I want to see you.
Deborah : It's so bright though.
Mike : I'll just think about you then.
Deborah : But I'm right here.
Mike : I know, but, sometimes the memory of you works just as well when we're not at our best.
Deborah : What?
Mike : Thinking about how life has been between us in the past gets me through times like now, when I can't see you. It gets me through these moments. All the times we -

Deborah stands, facing the sun.

Deborah : What do you mean? Are you saying that we're not good now?
Mike : No. We may not be at our best now, but how can - God you're beautiful. How can we always be at our best?
Deborah : If we're not at our best, are we at our - Jesus. My eyes.
Mike : I can't imagine anyone who is better for me right now.
Deborah : Mike?
Mike : Right here.
Deborah : Oh, sorry. It's just so bright, I can't see anything at all.
Mike : It's ok. I want to inhale the beauty that radiates off of you.

The stage is bright, washing everything out. It's as if the sun were placed in the middle of stage. Deborah reaches out, touching nothing.

Deborah : I love you.
Mike : I love you, too.

The Lamentable Robot

Robot : I'm going to kill you. I'm not really sorry. I am going to take my claws, wrap them around your skull and watch your eyes pop out. I won't be able to tell the difference. It could be a watermelon, or rock, or another human skull. No. It couldn't, it has to be your skull. That's what I was programmed to do. When the person who switched my on button, switched my on button, he said, "Kill so-and-so." And here we are, you being so-and-so, me being the one that is supposed to kill you. I suppose, that is, if I could have suppositions, that if I weren't just turned on, but rather, grew up as a child, I might not have the ability to crush your head. Not physically, I'd still be able to do it with my claws. But mentally, emotionally. I suppose, again, throwing away the reality that robots don't suppose anything, that I'd have an underlying, "guilt" that would hold me back. I imagine, assuming at that point an imagination were possible, assuming I could make assumptions, I'd feel something horribly about killing a being. Ruthlessly. I wouldn't be able to follow the directions. But here I am, just as much the victim as you. While you die, I have to go on killing. Let me assure you that I derive no pleasure from this, I don't derive anything. Actually, no, I derive a car to work sometimes. If I could be sorry, I would be. That was a horrible joke. So. Here we are. Me, waiting to reach out my arms press my claws to you temples and squeeze, or rather than squeezing, just using the hydraulics in what you might call my shoulders to bring my two massive, soon to be blood-covered claws toward each other. Like magnets. And you. You're thinking, can I run? Is it like an alligator where if I run in a diagonal it won't catch up with me. Let me assure you, you can run. If I had the ability to desire, I might desire to let you go. But the forces beyond human control will keep me close to you, stalking you until I am close enough to -

The robot quickly and violently smacks its claws together.

Robot : And, it's a crocodile you run from, not an alligator.

Big Fucking Deal.

MAN
I'm sorry, I have to cancel our plans for tonight.

WOMAN
Oh, okay. Why? Did something come up?

MAN
Yeah, I'm really bogged down with work. And there's a work thing going on that I want to go to tonight...

WOMAN
Sure, okay, we can hang out another night.

MAN
Are you sure its okay?

WOMAN
That's okay, really.

MAN
Are you sure? If its a big deal...

WOMAN
ITS FINE.

MAN
See, I never know with girls. They says its not a big deal but then it is a big deal and I never know, you know?

WOMAN
Well, maybe if you didn't make it a big deal then it wouldn't be a big deal.

MAN
I wasn't trying to make anything a big deal. I just thought, you know, you could come with me to the work thing instead...

WOMAN
I didn't really come dressed appropriately for your work thing so I think its better if I just go home.

MAN
Oh. Uhh...ok. Well, how about if I just come over to your place after my work thi...

WOMAN
No. I don't want you to come over. Its fine. Just forget it. We'll hang out another night.

MAN
Are you sure everything is fine? I mean, you seem a little upset...

WOMAN
You know what? I am upset that you are cancelling our plans. And I am upset that you knew all these things were going on all week and that you waited until now to cancel our plans. So go and have fun and I will see you next week.

MAN
Oh...I mean...

WOMAN
You know what? It really bothers me that you don't even put up a fight. That you didn't even try to change my mind. I probably would have changed my mind if you had asked me to come to your work thing again.

MAN
Oh, I didn't realize that I...

WOMAN
So just forget it. Its not a big fucking deal. I'm over it. But just for future reference, it would be nice if you could put in a little extra effort and act like you really want me there.

MAN
I do want you there, I didn't know that I needed to ask you to come with me more than once. I don't want to fight with you, I just wanted to spend time with you.

WOMAN
And I want to spend time with you, but I don't care how dumb it is. I'm sticking by my decision to not hang out until I know that you actually want to hang out.

MAN
Ohhhh...uhm. I'm really sorry, I'm not very good with this uhh, girlspeak and I didn't mean to upset you, I just...didn't know. Let me take you out for ice cream soon.

WOMAN
Oh, so now you're saying I'm fat too?

Counterintuitive.

#1
Man, did you see Prince on American Idol? What was that about?

#2
Yeah man, I don't know.

#1
Wasn't he all about not being a slave to the man ten years ago? He wrote that jibberish on his face?

#2
Sure, I remember that.

#1
So what I wanna know is what he's doing on American Idol! That show is a corporate dream! My cell phone is sponsored by Ryan Seacrest!

#2
Your cell phone is sponsored by Ryan Seacrest?

#1
YES! I signed a contract that said when I answer my phone I am required to say, "Hi this is me on my Cingular phone sponsored by Ryan Seacrest."

#2
Unbelievable. Why isn't Ryan Seacrest sponsoring more Ethiopian children?

#1
AND WHY WAS DAVID HASSELHOFF CRYING? WHAT A PANSY.

Lumberjack

A frozen lumberjack, he wears flannel and has an ax. He stands in a forest of people. Instead of trees, people stand in tree poses. The year is This year, plus 2000 years. It is nighttime.

The sun comes out. The lumberjack melts.

Jack : What? The? Man.

He sees a person.

Jack : Shit. What? The?

He picks up his ax, as if to swing, but can't bring himself to.

Jack : God. What is-
A voice : It is no longer your present year.
Jack : What?
A voice : Add 2000 years to the year you last remember.
Jack : I.. what? Who's there?
A voice : 2000 years ago. You were frozen in time, by ice.
Jack : But -
A voice : And now, 2000 years later, you've unfrozen.
Jack : What about all these people?

A small tree walks out.

Small Tree : People?
Jack : What the heck?

Jack begins hacking at the tree. He turns it to pencil shavings. He looks up to the sky.

Jack : Mother!

He throws the ax over his shoulder and runs off.

Is this Ohio, Now?

1 : Wow. So, you're from Ohio, huh?
2 : Yeah, are you too?
1 : Well. I kind of grew up there.
2 : Oh, that's sweet!

2 pumps his elbows and fists.

1 : Yeah, so. Where in Ohio are you from?
2 : Hoover.
1 : Oh really? I grew up in Green.
2 : No way!

He punches the air.

2 : Yeah!
1 : I went to school at BG.
2 : How great! Toledo!

He jumps up and down.

1 : And they let you on Deal or No Deal?
2 : Oh man!

He lifts his arms up in the air.

1 : Look, I've got to go. And. You need to stop this. Now.

1 leaves. 2 Begins clapping his hands rhythmically.

2 : Bye, bye, bye, bye, bye, bye.