diamonds and guns, 2095.

a radio play

the sound a phone ringing.

woman's voice : hello, ebay.
man's voice : hi, this is richard.
woman : hi richard, what can ebay sell for you today?
man : i'd like to post something to sell.
woman : it's very simple to post online, simply go to w-w-w-dot-e-b-a-y-dot-c-o-m. or do an internet search for ebay. you'll click the link that says "new account," fill out the pertinent info - then click the button that says sell item. are you following me?
man : right, but -
woman : hold on. so after you've clicked that link to take you to sell an item, type in the description of what you're selling and then post it. you'll be charged a nominal fee, do you have a picture of what you're selling?
man : well, sort of, but -
woman : well it's easy to post a picture, too. there's a place for you upload a small thumbnail sized picture of it, as long as it's a jay-pee-gee. is there anything else i can help you with?
man : yes.
woman : and that is?
man : i appreciate the information you've given me, i really do. but what i'm selling isn't exactly that tangible and i'm not exactly able to go on the internet to post it.
woman : what do you mean? are you trying to sell a religion - sir ebay does not allow the sales of religion, ideas, feelings or body parts and fluids.
man : no! it's none of those things. it's a webpage.
woman : a webpage? just describe the site and maybe make a nice graphic to put on it to say something like, you could call this home, page. haha, i liked that. you can keep that and not even pay me royalties.
man : well, thank you - but it's not control of the website, it's an original webpage.
woman : what do you mean?
man : it's the white house's first home page.
woman : sir, i can access the white house's first home page from right here. in fact, as i said that i've found about thirty-three thousand websites with that information.
man : no - i know that, but this is the original homepage. it was loaded and never refreshed or changed.
woman : what do you mean?
man : a hundred years ago, my grandfather turned on his computer at his home and loaded the white house's homepage - but he didn't know how to change the page, so he left it. a hundred years later, no one has refreshed the page, moved the computer, or done anything. i have an original. an original white house. and original feedback at the whitehouse dot gov.
woman : and you want to sell this?
man : it's got to be worth something.
woman : but what about shipping?
man : that's the thing... it can't be shipped.
woman : so it's an idea.
man: no, it's not an idea.. it simply can't be shipped. it's an old computer and there's no battery, if i unplug it, then it turns off. it's more of an installation. the purchaser is welcome to come by and show it off whenever he or she pleases. i'll even give him or her a key.
woman : why not just sell your house?
man : sorry, it's been in my family for so long i can't bear to sell it.
woman : i'm sorry, i'm not sure that's something you can sell. all of the items on ebay are actual items that can be transported from one place to another.
man : would it be alright if i put a disclaimer saying, if you want to transport this item, it is your responsibility to find a way to unplug and replug a computer with out it losing it's power?
woman : i guess, but this item really falls under ideas. i don't think it's an inherently tangible item that could be purchased.
man : i see. but it's a hundred years old. you can't find it anywhere, the original load of a government page?
woman : i'm sorry, we can't sell it. why not sell the computer as an antique?
man : and lose the white house page?! it is original artwork and a piece of history - i should be able to sell it.
woman : i'm sorry - i can't help you.
man : how about -
woman : sir - i can't help you -
man : but -
woman : sir.
man : i'm going to try anyway -
woman : fine. thank you for calling ebay.

the sound of a phone hanging up.