my first love song

hi. this is a play only for you. i asked you to come tonight and gave you a comp ticket to the show and asked some people to hang out for a little while only for you. but if you look in today's paper tonight's show isn't listed. look -

[she pulls out a newspaper, opens it to the theater section]

nowhere. but that's ok, right? i mean, this play? it's for you. i went to all the trouble here, because this is the only place maybe i feel confident or like i can hear my own voice. i'm like those people in how's your news - i know we make fun of them a lot, but the last song they put on their website, the one we never listen to because the beginning sounds like a sneeze, that's the guy they talk about toward the beginning of the project. he never spoke up or anything, but when he had a microphone he spoke up. people could hear him, he would go to people and ask, how's your news... hence the name, did you read that part too? it doesn't really matter i guess. but really what i'm saying is... .... ... i'm like a disabled man with a wheelchair... right?

god.

you get my point, right?

[pause]

you can answer, you're the only one here. nobody else is coming.

[pause]

maybe i can't hear you.

[pause]

maybe you won't speak up. it's moot anyway. i think, since we met, i've had this fantasy that we would get drunk at a party and maybe as we hugged goodbye, even though touching another person would be very unlike you, our noses would smells each other and lead us until our lips brushed each other into the most natural, mutual warm kiss. even if just for a second. but maybe i would rest my forehead here the bridge of your nose meets your eyebrow. i'm sorry! i'm kidding! eyebrows! and we would breath heavy, moist breaths onto each other. catching them more out of thrill than actually being out of breath.

[pause]

do you remember when we met? we were out of breath then, too. it was so cold and the air was so thin that maybe even walking up a stairway to a party tightened up our lungs. you, taller than me, me, shorter than you and together unknowing but probably a puzzle of kittens playing waiting to be put together. todd's party. god, todd. what a generic name. i think we went home with strangers - separately of course, we weren't that drunk. you stayed away from me at first. eventually we were introduced. we talked about music or movies or public transportation - hey, that's what people do here right? so i've heard. from the radio.

[pause]

and instead of kissing again we say simple words. even make casual conversation.

[pause]

but we talked only briefly. didn't exchange numbers. and you went home with someone else. which was fine because i wasn't that into you yet.

[pause]

are you with me, still? i know i keep jumping back and forth.

[pause]

we talk about music or records or public transportation.

[pause]

but that night, i hadn't seen you talking much too her. i watched you. yeah, because i wanted to be your friend. i just wan't necessarily attracted.

[less of a pause, and interupted pause]

and we'd go home together... because i have feelings for you.

[pause]

god. i can't even see your reaction or where you're even sitting. nobody told me anything before i started. can i get some house lights please?

[the house lights rise, but the stage lights lower to black, in her own darkness she leaves, the end.]