Dictionary Play - Aardvark, as in, "a large burrowing African mammal that feeds on ants and termites with its sticky tongue"

Inside a minivan. A family. A mother, a father, a 12 year old son and a 9 year old girl.

The mother grows more and more annoyed every second this story goes on.

Father : -And so while we did have fun, we were arrested and forced to give the money, the candy, and everything back. Not to mention the community service. We were lucky, though, given that we were minors and cried on the stand, the judge took leniency on us. And any jail time or juvenile deliquency that would have resulted of our convictions was turned into more time for community service.
Son : Cool! So you got to rob a place, get away with it, and then do good things for people who need it?
Father : Well. I guess that's one way-
Mother : What your father did when he was little was a stupid, horrible thing. He was very lucky.
Daughter : I have feet!
Mother laughs : Yes you do, my princess. And perfect feet you have. I wonder if anyone wants to know what feet smell like?

The daughter puts her feet in her brother's face.

Brother : Stop it. That's gross. Dad! I'll hit you if you don't stop.
Father : Don't hit your sister. Leave your brother alone. Jeez, why do you -
Daughter : Mommy?! Can I have an aa- aardie. And aardievarki?
Mother : Oh sweetheart. Do you mean an aardvark?
Daughter : Yes. An aardievarkie.
Mother : Let's say it together. Aard-
Daughter : Aard-
Mother : Vark.
Daughter : ie, varkie.
Mother : Oh sweetie. You're so darling. And for that, I'll get you one the next time we go shopping.
Father : An aardvark?
Son : Dad. I want a gun.
Mother : You're not getting a gun.
Son : Dad?! She gets an aardvark, then I want a gun. It's not fair! I'm older!
Mother : Aardvarks don't kill people.
Son : Neither do guns. If I'm careful and I take care of it, the gun can protect us from robbers.
Dad : I'll think about it.
Mother : What?