My Arm, An Ax, And Its Relation To Those Around Me

A man stands in front of a table. Attached to that table it a vicegrip. He holds an ax in one hand.

Man : I

pause.

Man : am going to cut off my arm. It's symbollic. Pretty awesome. I know. You see. Ever since I was born, I've felt intense empathy for all of my family and friends. Every time they hurt themselves, lost a shoe, were the butt of a joke, or the victim of any negative victimful, or victimless, crime, I feel it. I'm not cutting my arm off because I want to stop the pain. No. Of course not. When the computer game California Games came out for my IBM computer in the 1980's - Do you remember IBM Compatible? Was that a brand or just a signifier that IBM then was what Microsoft is now? When that computer game came out, my dad bought it for me. My brother and I played it for a while and then after seeing that we were so enthralled by this game. Like, the Japanese and camera phones. That's true, that's not racist. Seeing that we liked it so much he decided to play us. He won a couple of times, but once. Just once, I won. I felt horrible. I didn't need to win. I should lose, that's the way it should work. People who are older than me should never lose. They should win. That's what being older is all about.

He lifts his ax. He pauses and drops it.

Man : Like, um. Superman. In the movie where Richard Prior was in it. Like him, I want to take everyone's pain in the palm of my hand as a small piece of coal, squeeze it so tightly so that a million years pass by inside and seconds later, when I open my hand, we have diamonds. I want to ingest their pain and turn into something worthwhile for them. There was a girl in high school. I didn't feel this way about her, but given that I feel this way for most people, I should feel this way about her. Her mom died of cancer. It was sad. It was the first funeral I went to. The first of three so far. My dad made me go. I didn't know how to act or dress. For at least a year after the funeral, sometimes, this girl would look up to the stars. I'd ask her what she's doing. Talking to my mom, she'd say. I'd like to take all that and crush it into a diamond.

He kicks the ax with his shoe.

Man : It took me until I was older to realize that most people have problems. My friends have friends who die. I'd like to take away their pain. Lots of people I know are sad, just because they are sad. That's redundant. And poetic. Poetic. I'm going to cut my arm off for those people. I will focus all of my energy to cut off my arm. It's going to scream to them, "Hey! I know you're sad, but give it to me. I'm cutting my arm of so I feel all your pain. What I'm feeling isn't really the loss of an arm, but it's yours. I'm taking it from you. If I didn't make the decision to cut off my arm, then I wouldn't be taking your pain. But I am taking it. And I'm going to feel it so you don't have to.

He lifts the ax. He holds it above his head during the next section.

Man : And you'll say, who will take care of you? You will. You do. Believe it or not, I have bad days, too. I've had people die. Since I was little, I've had this ability to squeeze my own ills into diamonds. Like Superman. Sometimes I have reactions and maybe I act out. But that's how you help me. You say, Don't be retarded. Or you just humor me until I'm done and I act normal again. But for the future, since I'm doing a pretty big thing here for all my friends, I will only have one arm. Here is a list of things you can do for me. Number one, sew anything that needs sewn. Two, help put velcro on all of my pants, or help me find sweatpants that look good. Three, always be willing to scratch my left shoulder blade.

He takes his left arm and figures out where he can't scratch with his left hand.

Man : Yep. Left shoulder blade. Four, lend me cash when I go to a place that doesn't accept debit cards. Finally, for now, five. If I were to get a balloon tied to my wrist, please be willing to cut it. So from now on you will not be sad, feel pain, or lose at computer games. Or video games. Or card or board games.

He swings his ax downward and cuts off his arm.