My Dream Girl Don't Exist

A white stage. Two white lawn chairs. A little girl in a sun dress sits and swings her legs, pleasantly. The lights go out. The lights rise again to a man, early thirties. In a white t-shirt and white pants sits in the opposite chair. He has no shoes on. He looks around.

Sara : Hello.
Mike : Hi..?
Sara : How are you today?
Mike : Oh. A little confused?
Sara : Why are you confused?
Mike : Well, the last thing I rem-
Sara : My name's Sara.
Mike : Mike.

She reaches out her hand to shake. Mike obliges.

Sara : It's nice to meet you Mike.
Mike : And likewise you, Sara.
Sara : Do you like handslapping games?
Mike : I guess. When I was your age.
Sara : Put your hands out.

Mike does.

Sara : No. Put them face down. And when I try to slap yours, pull them away.
Mike : I remember this game, Sara.
Sara : Ok. Then do it right.. Mike.

He fixes his hands. He puts hers palm up underneath his. As her palms brush his, she giggles and looks away. He pulls his hands away quickly.

Sara : Aha! You flinched.

She gets up out her chair and punches him in the shoulder for each letter of his name. Hard.

Sara : M! I! K! E!
Mike : Jesus Sara. Not so hard.
Sara : It's too bad you don't go by Michael.
Mike : No. No it's not.
Sara : You have a nice face.
Mike : Thanks. I like your sun dress.
Sara : Do you want it?
Mike : What?
Sara : Do you want the sun dress? I've been wearing it a while and I don't really care for it anymore.
Mike : That's generous of you Sara, but I don't think it would fit me. And then you'd be naked.

She takes off her dress.

Sara : I'm wearing underpants, it's ok.

She gives him the dress and sits down, swinging her legs again.

Mike : Thank-
Sara : You're welcome.
Mike : I killed myself, you know.
Sara : I know. Hey, if you had to play baseball, like in the outfield, and there was a popfly, but instead of a baseball, would you rather have to catch a beehive or a a water balloon full of urine?
Mike : I -
Sara : I'd choose the urine. It's gross, but at least it's probably clean or sterile or whatever.
Mike : I might go with the beehive.
Sara : I could see that. You seem like the type of person who would do that.

There is a pause. Mike laughs.

Sara : What's so funny?
Mike : Oh.. nothing. You.
Sara : How am I funny?
Mike : I don't know. You just make me laugh. You're so full of joy.
Sara : Well. Everything here is white and I've been sitting in a lawn chair for a really long time. I think I've gone past the bored part or the angry part. Now I've just gotten to the point of waiting for a friend. And here you are, so I'm happy. And I feel lucky.

pause.

Sara : I killed myself too.
Mike : What?
Sara : I jumped into the Grand Canyon.
Mike : You - why?
Sara : I was sad.
Mike : Oh.. ... I was sad, too.
Sara : It was in 1986. I was eleven. I am eleven.
Mike : It was 2006. I'm thirty one.
Sara : Do you remember that show Out of This World?
Mike : Oh Wow. I do.
Sara : Looking back, it's a pretty stupid show, but I liked it a lot.
Mike : haha. Yeah. Me too.
Sara : I like chicken.
Mike : It's best with Spanish rice.

There is a pause. She gets up and sits on his lap.

Sara : I like you.

She puts her head on his neck, between his shoulder and jaw. He puts his arms around her. The lights turn warmer, like a sunset, and dim.