Abbrev.

2 ghosts. At a round cafe style table.


Ghost 1 : So I say to the other guy, hey - get your ooze outta my wife.
Ghost 2 : Wow. And did he?
Ghost 1 : Yeah, I don't know.
Ghost 2 : Oh.

Pause.

Ghost 2 : I've been having trouble getting to the point, lately. Li-
Ghost 1 : What do -
Ghost 2 : -ke today. I've been focussing on trying to abbreviate my sentences, so I don't talk and talk too long, or so long that people lose focus on what I'm trying to say.
Ghost 1 : Uh-huh.
Ghost 2 : Like today for instance, I was talking Jerry.

Ghost 1 looks blankly at 2.

Ghost 2 : You know, Seinfeld?
Ghost 1 : Oh right.
Ghost 2 : And I was talking about the Chinese as a whole race of people and how that great wall was an amazing feet. The best anyone else could do was.. well the Berlin Wall, or Tetris. And I kept saying Chinese this Chinese that. Finally I just stopped and said. Jerry, do you think it's acceptable - Well maybe you might be able to answer this (directed at Ghost 1). I mean, is it ok if rather than use two syllables to keep saying Chinese, I could just say Chinks? I mean... It's not like I'm being racist, because I'm in awe of their culture but... It would save me a lot of time.
Ghost 1 : Why not chin? There's no k in Chinese.
Ghost 2 : I know, I thought about that, but then I didn't want people to think I was talking about the actual chin, because while that's pretty neat, it's no Chink.

Pause.

Ghost 2 : See? I saved us like, half a second there. I mean, maybe this is my way of taking back that word. So it's not offensive anymore, but more just a abbreviated version. Like instead of Eastern European, how you say, Eurotrash. Right? That's like, six syllables down to three. And instead of homosexual, I'll just say fag. Right? Six to one. I could save years by abbreviating all these words.
Ghost 1 : Yeah. I guess.
Ghost 2 : Then great. I've just taught us how to save time.
Ghost 1 : And if you're feeling lazy or like you've got too much time, you can just say nigger instead of black.

Ghost 2 pauses.

Ghost 2 : Ok. Seriously. Not cool, man. Not cool.
Ghost 1 : I was-
Ghost 2 : I mean. I was.. but you went too far. Sick. Sick. Fucking. Sick. Get out of here. No. I'm leaving.

Ghost 2 disappears. Ghost 1 implodes.