Opulent: Possessing Or Exhibiting Great Wealth

A larger than an average man sized dollar bill walks out on stage.

Dollar : Hi. I'm a dollar bill. Do you remember me? I used to be worth a gallon of gas. Or a soda from the vending machine. Not just any soda, but a bottle of soda. Cans were only fifty cents. I'm not here to talk about those things though. What I'd like to talk to you about it a little bit written here, on my back.

The dollar turns around and and points to "In God We Trust."

Dollar : Now. I'm not real Goddy, or anything, but I think it's important that you think to yourself at least once today, "Where will my soul end up?" As a dollar bill I can only hope that I'm not used for snorting drugs, or paying strippers for their dancing, but instead rotated between good causes as a donation. But I don't have free will. That's the kicker. I can't choose to not be a coke snorting dollar, I'm merely a victim of circumstance. So that's why I like to think to myself. Where will my soul end up. I think God really likes me, too.

The Dollar sits down.

Dollar : I know what you're thinking. You're waiting for me to say, "When I was a little shiny penny, just hours old I dot. dot. dot." I've never been a penny, a nickel, a dime, a quarter, a fifty cent piece, or a Sacajawea dollar. I've always been a paper dollar bill. And that joke is stupid, but the way. I'm not judging you, but I am letting you know the fact that making jokes about me being another increment of cash is stupid because those jokes are stupid.

Once, I remember being dropped in a puddle. I thought I was done for. Once a dollar gets dropped in water, they become mushy and then stale. They crumble once they've dried. I didn't crumble. A man picked me up and dried me off. He put me in a book of quotes for a time. I remember one quote. It was the one that faced me for the week or two I stayed in the book. It was toward the middle of the book. I'm not sure what the section was, but it was a quote by the Dalai Lama, who I don't normally think is all that smart because once again,

He points to his back where "In God We Trust Is Written."

Dollar : The quote said, "If you want others to be happy, practive compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." I think that's nice. So here we go. I'm practicing compassion to you. God wants you to believe in him so you can go to heaven too.

He takes a deep concentrated breath.

Dollar : Yeah. I feel really good about that. I hope you do too. There's nothing better than being opulent about my knowledge. Is that correct grammar? I don't know. Maybe you should practice compassion and tell me. Who am I kidding. On the opposite page was another quote, from Shakespeare that said, "Yet I do fear thy nature; It is too full o'the milk of human kindness." Which I don't understand.

Pause.

Dollar : Do you ever wonder that if someone uses a word like opulent, and it's considered a fifty cent word what a dollar word would be? Do you ever think inflation will affect how much words like oppulent are worth?

He takes out a marker and writes all over his chest. He writes www.wheresgeorge.com

Dollar : I've now defaced, my face.

Pause.

Dollar : With out God, there would be no money.

He stands there, swings his arms back and forth, and shrugs.