Today in History.

WOMAN (holding a rabbit's foot)
On this day, in 1979, President Jimmy Carter was attacked by a Swamp Rabbit while on vacation in Plains, Georgia.

Pause.

That is easily the strangest thing I've read today.

Pause.

Furthermore, what is a Swamp Rabbit? And what makes them so violent that they attack our Commander in Chief?

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Sure, Jimmy Carter is more well known for his post-Presidential humanitarian work than his accomplishments as President, but honestly...a Swamp Rabbit? That sounds like a bad Ed Wood film.

Pause.

Woman walks across stage and hands Man the lucky rabbit's foot.

MAN (Holding a knife)
On this day in 1657, Jews in New Amsterdam which later became the city of New York gained their religious freedom

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I didn't even know the Jews existed in 1657! That's incredible.

WOMAN
The Jews were in ancient Egpyt in the old-timey days of Jesus.

Pause

MAN
When you say old-timey, you mean the 1800s, right? Before they had cars?

Pause.

Well! Its ironic don't you think that on this day that Jews gained their religious freedom that Adolf Hitler was born? Cause I do.

WOMAN
Yeah, its like ten thousand spoons when all you need is a knife.

MAN
No, that's not ironic, that's a lot of silverware. Are you throwing a party? Are you throwing a party and you didn't invite me?

WOMAN
Uhhhhhh...no. I am not throwing a party.

Man walks across stage and hands Woman the knife.

WOMAN
Hey, thanks.