TMI

#1 stands next to a tall lamp. She clicks it on.

#1
Ever since I became a vegetarian, my bowel movements occur at the same time every day in the same exact way. I poop at 10:15 am every morning and it slides out like a glistening, gliding puff of white baby powder into the toliet.

(#1 clicks the lamp off and exits, #2 clicks the lamp back on again.)

If I run out of shaving cream in the shower, I use my roommate's Tea Tree Conditioner because someone once told me that using conditioner to shave your legs makes them soft. I don't know if that's true or not, but my legs always come out smooth.

(#2 clicks the lamp off and exits, #3 clicks the lamp on again.)

When I eat pizza with extra garlic, I have the worst constipation followed shortly therafter by explosively, painful, smelly diaherria.

(#3 clicks the lamp off and exits, #4 clicks the lamp on again.)

During summer camp one year, I accidentally left my underpants lying on the ground in the bathroom of my cabin. When our counselor asked who they belonged to and could that person please pick them up, I didn't claim them because all the girls in my cabin had laughed at them because they had blood on them because I had started my period that day. That was my first period.

(#4 click the lamp off and exits, #5 clicks the lamp on again.)

In college, I organized a school trip to New Orleans for a conference. While sharing a hotel room with eight other people, I snuck into the bathroom when I thought everyone was sleeping and had sex with someone else in the group. Later, when another person asked me who I thought that was in the bathroom, I said it was the President of our student group. I don't really know if anyone believed me, but I don't think the President ever denied the allegations.

(#5 clicks the lamp off and exits, #6 clicks the lamp on again.)

On more than one occasion, I have woken up drenched in sweat from dreaming about dinosaurs having sex. And Mickey and Minnie Mouse too.

(#6 clicks the lamp off.)