Animals in the Forest

A princess runs to the center of a heavily overgrown forest, she trips and falls on a branch.

Princess : Oh, it always happens to me like that.

The princess stands up and brushes herself off. A bear enters.

Princess : Oh goodness! A bear!
Bear : Oh, hello. How are you doing?
Princess : Oh! I'm sorry? Are you speaking to me?
Bear : Why yes. I am.
Princess : Oh, I didn't think bears could talk.
Bear : You are in a magical forest.

A Beaver, an Owl, a Badger, a Snake, and a Turtle, all similarly sized to the Bear, enter.

All : A MAGICAL FOREST!
Princess : Oh. Am I that far from home?
Owl : That depends on where home is. Where is your home?
Badger : A MAGICAL FOREST!
Princess : Oh! My home is.. is.. San Diego.
Turtle : Dear, oh my. That is a long way from home.
Snake : How ever did you get here?
Princess : Oh, I'm not sure.
Bear : Well. It is Tuesday, today, so the magic portal cloud could have transported her.
Snake : That would make sense, but today isn't just Tuesday, it's the last Tuesday of the month, and that means there are no portal travels on this Tuesday.
Turtle : But it's close to the end of the year, could they be allowing for Holiday travel?
Snake : No. Did you read the paper? They're having problems with interdimensional travel.
Turtle : Really. I had no idea. Is it pirates?
Bear : I heard there was an uprising with Moonies.
Snake : Moonies? You made that up.
Bear : No. I'm serious,
Princess : Oh... Excuse me.
Bear : Moonies are rock people from the Sun and they are unhappy with their wages for protecting the outer rings of the magical forest.
Badger : A Magical Forest!
Bear : Seriously, Badger. That's fucking annoying.
Princess : Oh! I have to find my home.
Bear : Well. I'm sorry, that can't happen.
Princess : Oh why?! You won't let me know how to get home.
Bear : No, it's not that we won't.
Snake : Actually it is.
Turtle : We want to eat you.
Princess : Oh sweet Turtle, I thought your kind was gentle and only ate vegetables.
Owl : I haven't said anything in a while.
Bear : I'm sorry. We have to eat you now. That's why we're here. Do you think we'd really let you go?
Owl : I have to go.
The Owl leaves.
Snake : Since it is Tuesday, the last Tuesday of the month, here is how this will happen. I will eat the Princess first, and -
The Princess sneaks away.
Snake : -then Owl. Where did Owl go. Nevermind. Badger, you can rip me in half and because of the powers of Last Tuesday God of Life Magic, I'll come back to life within minutes. Badger, you'll chew up the Princess and spit half of it in Bear's mouth. Momma bird, baby bird, guys. Turtle, because it's the year of the Zebradog, luckily, Bear can only poop out hamburgers, so you'll get that.
Turtle : No mustard please.
Bear : Only mustard gas.
They all laugh. There is silence between them all after the laughter.