1 Year Retrospective/Out of Context, into Context/Recycled Words

I, Adam, stand somewhere where you can see me, not hidden away in a missing post from the past (I'm surprised if you found this).

Adam : About one year ago, I started this silly little blog to get in the habit of writing. After falling behind, catching up, giving up, starting again, falling behind... and all of that. I thought possibly now would be a good time to give a retrospective "stage montage."

I make the quote fingers on stage montage.

Adam : So let's go back to a couple lines from some of my favorites, shall we?

I pull out a piece of notebook paper with handwriting all over it. It's nearly illegible, except it is legible because I have to read from it.

Adam : You're not listening to me. I'm a local, from born and raised right here in the town of Oregon. Are you- Are you sent from the heavens? Gobble, gobble. Beep. I ended up in jail because she was 15. I'm ok. It's the middle of the summer. I'm home schooled. I'm going to talk to you. Why shouldn't I do that? Fuck you turkeys! I hate you. I could rule pretty well. Use your teeth then. Just bend over and pick up that ball and paddle. Well, then, congratulations to you. I've got a bomb! I would care if you stopped. I like what you do. And you're married. Fine. We're almost relics. Would it be weird of me to ask you for coffee? You aren't doing anything right now are you? It's very dark tonight. We've come to the realization that we can't afford anything beyond a minimal amount of food. Hello. Oh, hello there. How do you feel? Ok, what? Look at me. I have eyes, I can see. Blurt it out too. I'm sorry. I was over-stimulated and lost control. I'm sorry. Hey. I'm on fire! Is someone there? I heard there was an uprising with Moonies. Hi. How are you. I'd like a number two please. To go. We have so much to talk about. When I wrap the cotton wap around the toothpick, it gives me slightly more control over the swab, so I can put my make up on better, clean my ears better. Roger? Did you still want to go to that RV show this afternoon? Portugal. Well, yeah - they once tried to change the slogan to Toled-Oh! but rather than making people thing, "Oh! Toledo." They thought "Tolee D'oh!" like Homer Simpson. These pretzels are making me thirsty. Hot dog! What did you call me? IIIIII'mmmm tiiiiiired. Leeeeet's haaaaaave diiiiinnnnnnneeer. They deserve all the child porn the world can provide. That's very racist of you. KoKo, this is Dolly. Dolly. No. Not hamburger. Dolly! She is our new friend here. The world is changing Ziggy. Why can't you change too? Hey, you show him who's the fucking motha'fucka'. Oh my god, I've done it. I have felt. I think I should go. Chiclets? I really have nothing to say about this subject anymore. I'm embarassed for you. Maybe you should pick up the Ben Franklin rock instead. That's not what I mean. No. Definitely not funny. Good morning foot. It is time. Today is the day you will meet her. Her. Your mother. It's been years since you first began writing your letters. First letters, then emails. Emails. Amazing where the world has gone in terms of ease of communication, technology, board games. Do you think that in the future, we might return to the pen and paper. But by pen and paper, you mean communication through thought. Mother, I'm thinking to you, are you there? Yes. Yes. Yes. That was Carrie Underwood's new Jam. Oh yeah? Oh, haha. Yeah. I could see that. Mike! Watch this. Occupied. I suck the farts from dead chickens. When-I-was-little-I-fell-off-my-two-wheeled-bicycle-and-skinned-my-elbow. I-thought-it-looked-like-bird-poop-and-my-mom-had-to-come-get-me. Then-when-I-was-a-little-older-in-a-different-state-I-was-riding-a-different-bicycle- too-fast-and-skinned-the-back-of-my-ankle-where-my-achilles-tendon-was. It-hurt-real-bad. Do you guys want to play Don't Break the Ice? Could you turn around then? Bill, this is John. Jesus. The tip of michigan isn't even made of earth. This whole part of the state is one ice cliff that won't even be around in two weeks. I think Sleepless In Seattle is supposed to be on TV. Hello? Can I have 2 scoops of vanilla please? Hey! Do you have any beads?! You look like a homeless person who has a coat. I'm John. If I were to get a balloon tied to my wrist, please be willing to cut it. Let's grow some flowers! Actually, I'm sorry, I would like more coffee, please. Airplanes! Stay away! I wonder if anyone wants to know what feet smell like? El origen del cohete es probablemente oriental. La primera noticia que se tiene de su uso es del año 1232, en China, donde fue inventada la pólvora. Sandra?Everyone. Everyone. With coffee as my inspiration, I've decided to join you. Together we will run to fight for our cause. Together, with this jolt of energy we'll run as fast as we can to defeat - Breast cancer. I don't think a shower will ever cure me of this feeling I have right now. I don't think I've ever walked as far in a single day let alone- I'm sure you are familiar, instant messages are how men who do ghastly things to little girls and boys contact those little girls and boys? Stop worrying. “Just kindly lift me now!” Oscar pleaded, I'll find where you sleep and cut off your balls. Bernie Mac is funny. Today I'd like to talk about James Pumpernickel Abbott. He lives at 3555 Avantar St in Ohio, Illinois. His phone number is 800-866-2449. He has an 800 number because he gives his phone number out to everyone he meets and thinks more people will call him. More women will call him if it's free. I don't know how this is working for him, as I am in space. Which is why I'm floating. Right now. I think I'm going blind in my left eye. If there's anything I can't stand it's a woman who feels like she needs to be proud just because she's in charge. That's horse shit. Touch it. Diiiiiiscooooouuuunt Shooooooeeeees. Hi. I'm a dollar bill. Do you remember me? I used to be worth a gallon of gas. Hello? Hello? Is someone out there? Jim? Are you borrowing some sugar? That's fine. I wish you'd called first, but go ahead. Jim? Welcome to Sunglasses Hut. You're squinting, and I'd like to stop that. It went past funny and into killing the joke. Where's the couch? Yeah. yeah. I'm fine. Just, you know, cold. Title, the American Civil War, March twenty-second, two thousand six. I'm here to convince you to stop reproductive cloning. All four of you, well.. maybe more, but I know only four of you are listening. Dear Me, In the future, you will marry a whore named Allison. Do you think people use the word despondent just to sound smart? Aren't there enough D-E words? ... If I could do this all again, and I mean this... whole thing. I don't think I could. I should probably stop using my gasoline car. You know, last year I had this problem with a performance being cancelled and it seems that everything always has glitch in it sometimes. Look, I've got to go. And. You need to stop this. Now. Add 2000 years to the year you last remember. I'm going to kill you. I'm not really sorry. I love you. What's your name? Hello? Richard? Hello? Is Richard there? Hello? No peppers tonight, please. Hello? No. I'm sorry. Oh fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. You've got God, I've got the Internet. Sandwiches. I don't know which one to get. Are you eating? What about you What did you do? I'll pay. Rich? Get the fuck out of my room! I paused there, for a minute. I did something else, and now I'm back. Peep. Peep. Peep. Peep. I haven't connected in years. Tom? Who's Tom? Again, incredibly sorry about this turn of events. I'll never wear anything but yellow sweatsuits. Blood inside the bag? Did it... oh god. Did it eat him? Henry Henry Henry. Oh god. Put your penis in my disk drive. I got it at the gap. I am but a boy! I am but a boy! They were almost dead, so I was just finishing them off. Technically, that's how they died. There were some other hurdles in that race, let me tell you.. No. No. You. Where did you grow up. So I say to the other guy, hey - get your ooze outta my wife. Bye. Oh. Well... Ok. Derg. Nuff. Car. Persa meek opop. It's best with Spanish rice. No - it's me. I'm so clumsy. God. My pants. A fucking child? A motherfucking goddamned shiteating child? Jesus Christ! You're on the train? Over the bridge? Let me think. That will be. Gosh. Uhm. That'll be about fifteen minutes, tops. Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! God fucking fuck! Why would you do that? This is horrible! Why? Oh god it hurts! Ice cream truck! Ice cream truck! I can't come to you! Please stop and give me ice cream! I'll give you money! it looks like bird poop. Can you tell me about sizing for your- for your men's underpants? My icecream cone. it's kind of embarassing, but my hair, sometimes gets a little. And I'm going bald right here, slowly, I'm giving you the larger cup today, at no charge. Are you ready to laugh? It's ok everyone. Everyone! It's ok. I have a snack in my bag. I want to sing Bruce Springstein songs to you because while his music is subpar at best, I would lower my expectations to be with you...

I put the piece of paper away.

Me : Thank you.

I leave. The stage collapses. Everything catches fire. Including you.