In The Future Technology Will Render Itself Obsolete

A news conference. David Titelwinks, an announcer stands at the podium. Josh Gergahue stands to the side. He is in a suit and the focus of the news conference. He has a rubber racketball ball in his pocket. Reporters stand in front with cameras, tape recorders, note pads.


David : Thank you all for coming today. Ladies and Gentleman, we've entered a stage in humanity and technology, that no other race or people has before. Never have we seen such growth so quickly. And coming from one source. Josh Gergahue. It the past three years, he has brought us new technology, improved our old technology and brought us to a point where it seems nearly impossible to move forward. But as he told me just before stepping out, we will. First, there was the portable phone. Phones had gotten so small already, but with Mr. Gergahue's innovation, he changed the landscape of the earpiece portable phone to the impossibly small velcro-chip. A small microchip that sticks to the hair of your face or ear by velcro. So small it's incredibly inobtrusive, so powerful no microphone or earpiece is needed. And the sound quality. You press scoffed when we first used the phrase, "Mono-Aural Surround Sound," but you quickly stopped when you first used it. As well, it could be used as a sattelite radio for sports, music, news, police scanners and Gergahue didn't stop there, he also pushed his engineers to make it a hearing aide. So no matter what age you are, you could always be with your portable phone. Always tuned into the world. Then there was the computer. Every home in the world, exluding the Amish, had computers. But with old, fake-looking graphics. Gergahue Inc first introduced, the total Virtual Monitor. A walnut-sized piece of electrical genius, powered by only a couple shakes in one's hand, that projected a three-dimensional world in one's room. A market place with high resolution graphics and the ability to move about your room and discover the cyber world. You could meet and see other people as they truly look, with their every movements, or go to Ghost and be invisible to those around you, while still maintaining the ability to see everything. We got everyone off their seat and into a new social world, with out ever having to leave your home. You could send voice message to each other merely by saying the commands,

The press in unison : Starship transmit

David : Yes! And public transportation. He fulfilled every child and adults' dreams when he introduced his Go! Tubes. He transformed the subway system of New York into a collection of temperature controlled, clean running tubes that would comfortably shoot people from location to location with the speed and delicacy of a humming bird, and even less noise. Added to that, for no additional cost, neighborhoods and even homes could have entryways installed to their homes, at a flat percentage of an annual income. That means that for 5% of what you make, no matter what you make, you could get a Go! Tube installed so you could go from breakfast to work in a few moments without worry of traffic, other people, awful smells anything at all. Time Magazine referred to them as wombs of joy, like being a fetus again with out the birth fluids. So cozy and simply pushed along by bursts of air. And the best part, nobody had to talk to each other.

The press clap.

David : Before I go on, I've clearly set you all up with some hints as to what Mr. Gergahue is bringing up in our talk today. Let me introduce, Josh Gergahue.

The press clap.

Josh : Thank you, David. That was quite the introduction. Friends in the Press, thank you for coming today. I know that you didn't have to accept our invitation and you could be covering something else entirely, like a parade or a child's play, but you chose me, us. So let's enter the new world of technological advancement. David has covered where we've been, now I'd like to talk about what's next. First. I'll start with the portable phone. We've gone from something that is stuck to the wall, or on a coffee table, to a phone that could only be brought a few feet from a single location to a candy-bar sized unit you carry with you to an earpiece, back to a watch communicator as a nostalgic throw back to the Dick Tracy comics, to pens that double as phones, lapel pin phones, then to the velcro chip, but now - we've gotten something even more incredible. And it's never costed less. Ladies and Gentleman, I give you the newest form of communication, simply called COMMUNICATION. Completely interactive, visual, and low-priced. Now, if David can walk into the other room.

David leaves.

Josh : Now, normally, with many older versions of vocal communications, we might have to turn on some speakers, or pipe in the dial tone, but right now, all I want you to know is that I have no ear piece. No microphone, simply - my body. Myself. Prepare for the future. Is he gone?

Someone nods.

Josh : Here we go.

He clears his throat.

Josh (speaking loudly clearly) : Hello? David?
David (offstage) : Yeah?
Josh : Josh, here.
David (offstage) : Oh! Hey! What's up?
Josh : Not much. I'm just testing out COMMUNICATION. You?
David (offstage) : Oh.. I'm just standing in the hallway, waiting for you to test it out.
Josh : Great! Well, I think that's enough.
David (offstage) : Bye.

Josh pauses. For effect. There is blank reaction from the press. One single camera flashes.

Josh : And I know what you're thinking, what about the music? With the Velcro Chip, you stored all of your music remotely, and so with only vocal commands you could access any song you own, piped into your ear. With COMMUNICATION, we've made it easier. Music comes to your mind, just as you think about. Right now. I'm thinking of the A-Team theme song. A classic tv show if you didn't know. And I can hear the theme song. Loud and clear. There's no worry of sound levels, it's as loud or soft as I want it to be. Music I haven't even heard before. There it is. There are no batteries, no earpieces, nothing but what's -

He mouths the words "right here" and points to his head.

Press person : How much music can it hold?
Josh : Infinite.
Another Press Person : I'm not sure I understand - could you tell me how you hear the music, again?
Josh : It's simple. I stand here, with no music, then think, Rolling Stones, and - Ha! There it is. I can hear it. I think about it, and there it is. And now moving on the home computer.

An uproar of talking from the press. It sounds disgruntled, but no words can be discerned.

Josh : Now I know what you're thinking. How could you possibly top the life changing, ever-transforming sphere that brought us a whole new 3D world? Simple.

The lights dim. A screen lowers from the ceiling. A video plays. A prophetic voice. The picture starts with a small boy in a living room, in front of an oversized computer. Over the next speech the boy gets older, the computer smaller. The color and picture more vivid and clear, until finally a man in his 30's handsome, with a 5 o'clock shadow and a persistant and perpetual smile. There is still just one thing not right by the end of the speech. The man will look kind of sad upon a final close up. Listless, in a funny way.

Voice : Imagine a world with information at your finger tips. At the click of a button you can access millions and millions of pages filling your brain with knowledge of the world around you. And now, imagine that world has become just a little clearer, faster, more interesting. You can talk to others in real time, shop, make more informed decisions about life, insurance, sexual preference. Now think, what if - just what if there was no button. Everything was voice commanded. You could command your computer to show you just about anything. And better yet, the computer is smaller than your fist, and projects a picture all around your room, and you are virtually there. But just virtually.

The voice pauses. The man looks listless. The room grows dark, blue. The camera pulls away, the walls fall and sunlight pours in. Around him is the center of a town in the midst of a farmer's market or flea market. Life surrounds him. The music is faster, as if to exclaim : Success! Everything is going to be o.k.! Throughout the next monologue the camera spins around the man accenting each point the voice makes. The man is happy, the colors are incredible.

Voice : Now what if everything around you suddenly became real. You could really touch what you saw, smell what could be smelled, hear a new kind of sound quality - untouched by engineers. You can feel a real breeze, see the open sky. What if you thought, "I'd like to shop for something from my wife, and then you could be there? No waiting for shipping, actually knowing what is in and what isn't. Working with an actual person to find what's right for you, experiencing reality at it most tangible, visceral, experiential. You think you get it, right now. Watching this screen, But you can't without truly experiencing OutLife, from Josh Gergahue.

The camera cuts to Josh, in a suit, smiling talking to associates, he turns to the camera.

Josh (on tv) : You're gonna love it.


The screen goes blank. The audience sits in silence. Josh walks to podium smiling. Proud.

Press person : So you basically just go out-
Josh : Yes! It's basic. It's simple. Unique. We're so proud of this. I can't even tell you. And now, the simplicity of short distance travel.
Press : Uh - sir, I'm not sure you can really improve on your current system. You've replaced all travel with tubes. I don't think anyone could be happier. It's clean, economical, friendly -
Another Press person : Uh- actually the only complaint I have is -well -

David brings out a podium, covered in a sky printed sheet, something underneath the sheet.

The Same Press Person : - it's kind of embarassing, but my hair, sometimes gets a little. And I'm going bald right here, slowly

He points to the front region of his hair, every looks a little closer and gives an "Ah" as if to say, "I see it."

The Same Press Person Still : And well, I have to have my hair just a certain way - to hide -

He sees a person next to him writing what he says down. He tries to grab the pen. There is a quick struggle, he gets the pen.

The Press Person Who Shall Now Be Known As Roger, As He Had Several Lines : Excuse me, to hide my ever-showing scalp. And the wind in the tubes messes my hair up.

Right upon the word "up" David pulls the sheet from the podium to reveal a bright red helmet with a bold of lightening on each side. Josh smirks. A pleasant smirk.

A Different Press Person : Jesus!
Josh : Ladies and Gentlemen, a helmet!
A Completely Different Press Person : Sir, does that helmet speed travel, or keep one safer?
Josh : No. It's soul purpose is to keep your hair from getting mussed while you travel in the tubes. It contains no batteries, no power outlet. And it costs two hundred dollars.

The press applaud, cheer, hoot and holler. And take lots of pictures.

Josh : I'm only kidding.

The press stop clapping abruptly, there arms drop quickly, disappointed.

Josh : Actually. What I'm suggesting is that you all start walking or riding bicycles to where you need to go. Really, how can you improve upon tubes? They're perfect.
Press Person : Can we still buy those helmets, though?
Josh : What?
Another Press Person : The helmets, will you really sell them? Can we purchase them?
Josh : No. I was only kidding. I mean, it's just an old motorcycle helmet we spray painted. It's a joke.
Another Press Person : How much did you say they were?
Josh : They're not for sale. You don't understand -
A Different Press Person : He said two hundred dollars.
Press Person : Thank you.

All of the press talk quickly loudly to eachother and leave.

Josh : Uh -